My sheets look like a crime scene.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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