her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
