Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
