Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
