I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Randomize
