Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
