Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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