You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
