nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize
