I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
