So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
