I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
