I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
