Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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