wanna go halves on a baby?
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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