My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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