After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
