hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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