i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
