Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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