U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
