i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Randomize
