o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
