All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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