Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
