mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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