Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Randomize
