How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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