the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Randomize
