mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Who put my cat in the fridge?
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
