I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Randomize
