At least make sure they are 18
Why
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
