Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
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