Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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