dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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