Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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