this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
