It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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