everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
