Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
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