Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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