Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
