Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
