So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I don't deserve a penis
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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