he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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