I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
