Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Randomize
