I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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