yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
