just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
