I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
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