Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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