You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
