have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
